About me

Every day I start from my home for a walk.

Every day I return to my home.

It is the same walk every day.
It is a different walk every day.

Step by step.
Moment by moment.
Breathing in. Breathing out.

I am walking home.



My name is An. I am 63 years old. I know I am living on borrowed time.
On May 19th 2011 the impermanence of my life became very clear as I was diagnosed with lungcancer. In a way it has been a blessing in disguise.
It made me prioritize my life.
It made it possible to lay down some of my masks.
It made it necessary to let go of some of the garbage.

As a result I do have the time and energy to do some of the things I've been wanting to do for a long time, but there just never seemed to be enough time.
Like practising mindfulness, going for a walk every day, photographing, gardening, being there for loved ones and friends, reading, a lot of reading :-)
Of course there are moments of sadness. loneliness and fear. Of resistance and anger and grief. But there are also moments of joy and happiness, tranquility and acceptance. There is so much to be gratefull for.

Today, thirteen months after the diagnosis, the respons on treatment seems to be a complete remission of the tumor.
Though I still have problems caused by complications during and after chemo/radiation treatment, I am a happy woman.
I am living my life as it is, as well as I can.

Last updated june 19, 2012